The New Year

It's been awhile since I've written here and quite frankly, I just wasn't in the mood to share. I've been keeping quite alot in, delving deeper and deeper inside myself, trying to come to terms with everything. I've been a bit afraid of being judged because I'm not over my home catching fire and I just didn't want to deal with everyone. As I have said before, it's a journey that if you haven't had the displeasure of having, you have no clue as to what it is like to live through something like this. I've had my good times, and most of them have been good, but every once in awhile, something comes up and that makes me sad. Merlin sounding like Caesar or seeing someones home on fire on the television. I suppose that until we are back in the house, that my sad moments will continue and they will become less and less as time goes on.

It certainly doesn't help that a couple of months ago our house, the burned one, got broken into and many things were stolen. Apparently, there has been a rash of thefts in our area and our home was only one of several that has been "hit". Several tools that were inside the house were taken, as well as several tools that were in the shed. My large jewelry box was stolen...the entire box. It was one of those 3 foot tall ones (that we don't have room for in the new place ) and most of the jewelry that was in there was pretty cheap stuff, however, the kid's teeth were in there from when they were little...when they were given to the tooth fairy. Not only was all of this stolen, but they also took copper pipes and wiring, and our tractor out of our back yard. A FREAKING TRACTOR!!! I was angry at first, but I know that their karma will hit them like a brick. Mike spoke with the officer that lives on our road the other day (she was out of state at the time of our theft) and she said that they are pretty positive of who it is but they can't prove it. Since our home, a few more have been broken into and even a local cell phone tower was broken into the other day and the copper wiring stolen as well.

For awhile now, we have been dealing with the insurance company printing the wrong company on the check for the second mortgage. Because of this, we haven't really been able to do anything to the house. We don't have the money to put into replacing things and we have to have the check but we cant get the check endorsed because the wrong company is on it. Not to mention the fact that Mike is afraid to do any work on the house for fear that more things will be stolen. We just got the check issue cleared up and once we get all of the endorsements, Mike plans on taking some time off of work and just getting it done so we can move in and not worry about anything getting stolen. 6 months later and we are basically where we were right when we moved into the place where we are now.

The holidays have been a bit difficult for me this year. Sure they have been good as far as having family, a roof over my head, etc., however, it's the first year that we haven't had a Christmas in the house since we moved there. I miss my home. I miss having a big tree. I miss my beloved pets. I miss it all. I know most are probably tired of hearing of me talk about it, but you know what....I don't care. This is a huge thing that happened to us and things will never be the same. We all take our own time in healing and I am still working on that process. It is different for everyone and no one can tell you how long you can/should grieve over any kind of loss. My sad moments are actually pretty few but I do not feel as though I can't really share them outside of my immediate family. I have discovered that I can count on very few people in my life outside of my immediate family and feel abandoned by a couple of people.

As 2011 comes to a close, I have a feeling that 2012 will bring fantastic things for many, including my family and I. I finally see an end in sight for getting back into our home and I've learned alot about myself throughout this process. I have learned that I am stronger than what I thought. I can handle alot more than I thought without falling apart and being bipolar, that is quite an accomplishment. I also realized that I never really cried over the loss of my home. I have let loose twice but it wasn't over the actual loss of my home. They were about the loss of Roxy and the rest of my pets and the frustrations of dealing with people and living in a hotel room. I have had to be strong for many reasons. I've had to be strong for my kids, I've had to be strong so that I could work without falling apart, perhaps I was afraid of crying for fear of completely falling apart...in all honesty, I just don't know. It's a taxing process physically and mentally. I have noticed alotOk, so it wasn't the best way to get one, but still its a positive from a tough situation. There have been a few people that have asked me if I dislike lightening or assume that I dislike lightening and they couldn't be more wrong. I LOVE lightening. It's beautiful. Powerful. Stunning. I had respect for it before, but I have even more now. While 2011 was an extremely tough year for my family and I in many many ways even excluding the fire, the years happenings have made us stronger people. Unfortunately, I had to lose my beloved feathered and furred family. That in itself was a lesson as well. I now cherish the ones that remain and I'm very thankful that they survived.

I know that 2012 has alot of wonderful things in store for my family and I and I look forward to them with joy in my heart.

May 2012 bring you all much happiness, joy and abundance.

Happy New Year!!

Redefining Home

So it's been awhile since I posted and that is because I was in the anger phase of my grief.  I won't lie, folks.  It was nasty.  I went through the normal "Why Me", but that was actually pretty brief.  More of my anger stemmed from the frustration of my life being turned upside down, i.e. living in a hotel, not getting enough sleep (stress and those stupid hotel beds were NOT comfortable), visiting the pet family at the vets so they didn't think I abandoned them...just alot of frustration that put together grew into a ball on anger.  There hasn't been any blame because there is no one to blame.  Sure I can be pissed off at Mother Nature for "shooting" my house, as Paige put it, but I know that shit happens.  There was not a bullseye on my house.  We were not the target of a Mother Nature terrorist.  With all that has happened in the last month, I still FIRMLY believe that everything happens for a reason, but I had to go through the anger process in order to heal.  While I still get frustrated, I'm no longer angry.  My frustration will probably be on and off until my house is completely finished and that's ok.  Heck, I may even still get a bit angry.  Let's face it...a year is a long time to wait for your home to be completed but that's part of the process.  We have to just accept it.

Sunday, August 7th, exactly one month after the fire, we checked out of the hotel and moved into the rental.  There isn't a whole lot available in Bennett and we have learned that when you find something, that you have to snatch it up when you can because it goes quickly.  We did find a single wide mobile home that has been renovated...except the 2 bedrooms.  It's quite beautiful.  Knotty pine cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom and a huge garden tub in the bathroom.  There are knotty pine shutters in the bathroom and in Paige's room, adding quite the country touch, which quite honestly, is our family's style....well, Mine and Mike's anyway.  Paige's room was drywalled but the floor hasn't been replaced.  She and her friend Paula, splatter painted it Sunday night.  It looks awesome especially now that her black futon with the flourescent pink and green pillows are in there.  Mine and Mike's room hasn't been touched at all.  Still has the wood paneling and the burnt orange shag carpet.  Just need a disco ball and I'm all set.  Well, quick fix was paint the paneling and I chose a sage green that goes perfectly with our newly purchased pine log furniture.  The yard is gorgeous, there is a beautiful garden and a big ass porch.  We are pretty happy with our choice.  The challenging part is going from 2,000 square feet to 960 but we will adjust.  We are also living in the heart of Bennett rather in BFE so that is quite a difference too.  But that's ok.  I'm happy to be out of the hotel and into a "home".  The reason for the home in quotations is because my home is no longer what it was before and I think I touched on this before.  The home I knew no longer exists, and never will, so we have to redefine it.  We are going to be in this home for awhile so eventually it will become home. We don't have everything that we had before so with a new couch and new beds, the home feeling will take a little bit longer than moving our old stuff into it but it will eventually become home.  Just as the new home will eventually become home again once we move back into it, but it will take longer because it wont look the same.  These things take time.  We are still moving into the house and it's so slow that its sometimes kind of painful.  I want all of us there again, but I had to have the cage before I could bring Merlin home.  All painting had to be done before then also because paint fumes can be fatal for birds.  The cage has been thouroughly cleaned and put in the house, painting is completed and now the fids (feathered/furred kids) can come home!  Since I have a small Isuzu Hombre (basically a Chevy S-10), I have to do it in shifts because of lack of room.  So Sisco comes home tonight after work and Salem and Merlin will come home tomorrow night.  I can't wait!  I have been looking forward to this day since the day after the fire.  It will truly be a bittersweet moment and I am even tearing up right now just thinking about it.  Once they are home, life can start to be back to normal again.  Sure, we will still be moving and going through things in the old house and seeing if they come to the new house or go into storage.  Right now, this is our new normal and that's ok. 

Last night was the first nights sleep in my new bed and it's the FIRST night that I slept completely through since the night of the fire. Yes that's right....I haven't had a good nights sleep for a month.  It was heaven.  While I miss my ever so comfortable waterbed (which would go with the orange shag carpet if it would fit in the room - both being '70's throwbacks), I do have a fabulous new pine log bed with a pillowtop mattress that is almost like sleeping on a cloud.  It's almost as if my bed was hugging me and while it does sound like it could be something out of a horror movie, it was quite splendid and I can't wait to be hugged again tonight.

Now that things are getting back to the new normal, I can start going to coven things again, which life was keeping me from doing BEFORE the fire.  I can enjoy things again rather than being antsy, wondering when we were gong to be in a rental.  Yes, things are finally looking up and going well, and while all of the movement has caused more pains in my fractured foot, I am content that things are settling down.  I am going to enjoy my hugging bed, big ass porch, big ass bathtub, having my family around me and calling my damaged home the Country Estate.  I can begin to relax a bit even though I will be busy for quite some time.  I will dream of that view that you see in the picture to the left....the view that is about a mile from my home, the Country Estate and know that seeing that view is just beyond the horizon.

Picking Up The Pieces

Yesterday, Mike, Megan and I went to the house to pack up some things.  For me, it was the first time seeing it other than pictures Mike took.  I am glad that I saw the pictures first because I do think that it softened the blow a little.  It took a bit for me to be able to actually leave the truck and walk into the house and when I did, I didn't wander around.  I stuck to the area that I knew was the least damaged...my magic room.  It was a bit disturbing walking into the least damaged area as there was soot and insulation everywhere.  The fire damage itself was contained to the laundry room but the soot was every where in the house and while its not fire damage it is smoke damage and seeing your home covered in soot is quite shocking.  At least it was to me.  After being there a bit I got better but the initial shock was overwhelming. Megan boxed up her room since she left today to go back to North Dakota and I packed up my magic room because Miek didn't want to even begin to do that.  He knows how much money I have invested in there and how much my things mean to me so he didn't want to take the chance of damaging them. Mike and our friend Joey packed up some things from the rest of the house, like pictures from the wall and photo albums...things that we worry about could be damaged if someone came in and wanted to cause trouble.  We were there 4 hours and I got hte magic room done and Megan got her room done.  Mike and Joey will be taking the boxes into storage until we are able to find a rental.  I kept a few things with me, not many, to help me feel more comfortable.  Kind of  "Home in a Box", like a security blanket.  Sounds a little crazy I know, but I have lost alot and while I dont have alot of room here at the hotel, I wanted just a few items with me for comfort, I guess.  We will be slowly going through the rest of the house to see what is salvagable and pack it up.  There are some things that will wash up pretty well, others will not, so at least we will still be able to have some smaller things with us to help us feel more at home whereever we end up.

Seeing the house really helped things become more real.  I mean, I've known that it was real but actually seeing the damage really set it in stone.  I actually needed that, even as hard as it was.  The truth is, the damage could have been so much worse and while seeing my home covered in soot and seeing my non existant laundry room was difficult, it was good for me to see that we were lucky.  I've been reminding myself of that on and off, and I do honestly believe it, but it's still hard to take sometimes.

We also rode around town looking for houses to rent since the relocator is having a few problems but she is out of state and doing the best she can.  I know we will be in another house when we are meant to and until then, we will be live in the hotel.  I am trying to look at the fire as an eraser to we can start with a clean slate.  Not that things were bad, because they weren't, but they can always be better and apparently now it is time for a change in our lives.  A chance for things to be better. 

Home

Mike met with the large claims adjuster and a general contractor yesterday and they went over the house with a fine tooth comb. They will be fixing the house as the structure is sound but they will be gutting the entire inside of the house. It has to be completely rewired as the lightening stuck a light which fried the entire wiring in the house and it set of the main circuit breaker on the pole outside of the house, losing electricity to our neighbors. Not that they were complaining or anything...it was our first neighbors who saw and reported the fire in the first place. While I'm excited that I get a completely remodeled house, it’s just not going to be home. I wasn't ready to give it up, it was thrust upon me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad or even irritated. Just a bit sad. When you get a new house, it is usually because you are ready to move for one reason or another. When you are ready to move, you are ready for new surroundings and you give a new house a chance to become a home. It's different when you were happy with your home. You spend 11 years in a house making it your home. You become accustomed to everything about it. You know it's quirks inside and out and you accept those quirks because it is your home. Your safe haven. Your get away for the crazies. Then something like this happens and even though you are grateful that it wasn't worse and that your family is ok....you still mourn the loss of your home. It's like losing a friend in a way. No matter where we go, it's not going to be home. It will be eventually when we give it time, but what if we weren't ready? How do you allow yourself to love a new place...one that's no where close to being started....and allow it to become home? Like I said before, it's different when you are ready but when a catastrophe like this hits, you have no choice. You have to mourn your beloved house like an old friend and learn to love the new place. It's never gong to be the same again. Some people I have been talking to just don’t understand how difficult it is losing a home. I hear "you should be happy that it wasn't worse", well I am. I really am, but that doesn't mean that losing your home is an easy thing to do.  Especially when you lose your belongings.  Only people who have lost their home in such a manner can relate.  Sure others can be sympathetic, but they don’t truly understand.  You can’t unless you have been through it.  When you choose to move into a new house, you are able to take your belongings so when you reach your new home, some of those elements help to create that homey feeling.  But when you lose most of your belongings, you don’t have that option.  You have to get used to everything all over again.  While I am excited to be able to have a new house, essentially, it’s not going to be nearly the same….not just the house but my belongings.  My surroundings.  My loved ones that I lost that contributed to making my house a home.  It’s ALL different.  It’s an adjustment and I know that and I know I will come through just fine.  We all will, but it still disrupts your normality.  Change can be difficult to take, especially for those of us who take comfort in routine.  Some people thrive on it…some of us don’t.  It’s like turning our world upside down and it takes awhile for us to get our balance again.  While it can be done, it just takes extra time.  But, it has only been a week tomorrow since the fire so there is still time for the adjustments.  All I can do is to keep trying to look on the bright side and count my blessings.  Believe it or not, I have been doing it, but I also need to mourn the loss of my home, my belongings, and the lost feathered and furred friends.

The relocation specialist is looking for a place for us to live until our house is ready.  We want to stay in Bennett so Paige can stay in the same school district.  She hasn’t found anything yet.  Mike did tell her we need a place that will allow our pets but she doesn’t know what kind of pets that we have.  I hope we don’t have a problem finding a place.  I really want all of use together as soon as we can be.

Speaking of the feathers and furs, I do have an update.  I woke up in the middle of the night last night and noticed that Indy had eaten most of his food and had gotten into the trash.  While I normally hate it when he gets into the trash, this is a sure fire clue that he is feeling better.  He is finally acting normal.  He still has a bit of a cough but it’s not bad.  Of course, I visited the other butts today and Salem is beginning to eat a little more and venture out of the cubby that he’s been hiding in.  Of course, he’s all lovey dovey when we visit him.  Sisco is eating a little more as well and there is one person there that she absolutely loves and we are so happy.  When I was in her pen yesterday Sisco was going between me and her the whole time so she’s getting lovin’s while she’s in there.  Merlin has a great appetite.  We are trying to switch his food to something healthier and the little bugger won’t hear of it.  He IS eating the food he is used to and fruits so at least he is eating well enough to gain some of his weight back.  His eyes are completely open now as well.  His breathing today does have me a bit worried but I do have a tendency to over worry.  He sounds like when you have a really bad cold and you can hear the mucus moving around in your chest.  It’s only been 6 days and it takes time to recover from smoke inhalation but I still worry. 

I can’t wait until we are ALL together in our temporary house since it will be awhile until our house is complete.  Only when we are all together, skin, feathers and furs, can we begin to heal and rebuild a home.

Insurance News and More

So Mike met with the insurance adjuster and the fire inspector and the fire was started by lightening.  The adjuster was a small claims adjuster and he only works on claims up to $100,000 and we are past that so he had to call in a large claims adjuster, who will be meeting with Mike tomorrow at 9 am along with a general contractor.  So as of this moment, we still do not know what they are doing with the house yet but at least we have a cause of the fire.  There is comfort in knowing what actually caused it and there is even more comfort knowing that it was a lightening strike rather than an electrical fire.  We are waiting for a call from a relocator and they will find us a house to live in while the house is being fixed.  As long as it is still in Bennett so Paige can go to school there still and we are able to have all of the pets with us, its works well for me.

We picked up Sisco today and took her to the vet where Merlin and Salem are.  She was a bit timid.  I dont think that she expected us to come back for her but eventually she began to get more comfortable and give us a whole lotta love.  She wasn't too happy being left somewhere again but I think as long as I visit her every day she will be ok.  She does have a llittle bit of a cough but its not bad at all.

Salem is doing well.  He has finally started to drink water and eat but he is not eating as much as he should.  He's in a place that he doesn't know and he doesn't feel good so it's normal to a degree.  He was enjoying all of the attention that he was getting too.  I heard him purring a little although it wasn't as loud as it should be, but that's ok.  I took him a couple of fuzzy mice so hopefully he will feel good enough to play with them soon.

Merlin seems to be doing really well, too.  The tech said he was quiet today and he was when I saw him but his eyes are open most of the time.  He did close his left eye for a moment and the tech said that he shouldn't need the eye drops anymore so we skipped them today.  We will see if he needs them tomorrow.  He gave me some kisses and I brought him a couple of toys as well.  I didn't want to give him toys until he had a couple of days to adjust to his new surroundings.  African greys are quite skittish so a little at a time is best.  I hope when I see him tomorrow that he has been playing with them.

Indy is doing well but he still isn't eating much.  Thankfully he is drinking and I bought some canned food to try to entice him to eat.  Today was the first day that we left him alone in the motel room and when we got back he was very happy to see me.  He had more energy than I have seen him have since the fire.  He also got up and walked around awhile which he hasn't been doing much so he is starting to feel better.

Looks like the babies are headed int he right direction, finally.  Mommy is pretty happy today.  =O)

Grief

Today I am finding myself really missing the babies that I lost.  I know that I will be missing them for a long time and that some days will be better than others.  Right now its difficult because I am separated from the survivors.  I can't be with them all of the time to make sure that they are ok.  To keep an eye on them and it is making it so difficult for me.  Then again, if they were with me I would probably stay up all night watching them to make sure that nothing happened.  Right now, we only have Indy with us at the hotel.  Merlin and Salem are at the vet and Sisco is at the shelter in Brighton.  I haven't seen Sisco yet and I worry that she thinks we abandoned her but we will see her tomorrow and move her to the vet where Merlin and Salem are.  I am happy that they will all be at one place so I can visit them every day after work.  With my kids growing up, I have really become to rely on my babies for companionship.  Megan is almost 19 and has a child of her own.  Before Job Corp she was hardly ever home and in a week she will be going back only to come back home in December for Christmas break.  Paige is 15 now so she is rarely home as she is always with her friends having a good time.  This is part of the cycle of life and I accepted it awhile ago.  While they were gone, I relied on the babies for company.  They kept me sane, although I'm sure an outsider would say that I was nuts considering how much I talked to them.  Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed and relieved that my daughters, grandson, husband and I weren't hurt.  I have gone over the what if's a few times so I totally understand that we are lucky.  But my heart still hurts.  It aches for the feathered and furred family members that we lost.  They were family. They were a part of us.  That's a hard bond to break.  I have had past furred family members visit me from the other side and Meiko, the cat, did that just the other night.  The bonds are undeniable.  Today I visited Merlin and Salem and just loved on them for awhile.  Salem was all for it.  Merlin, well he's a cranky feather butt who doesn't understand whats going on. He was never much of a cuddler anyway...not like Caesar was.  I ended up making him angry because I needed to put medicine in his eyes because of the smoke.  Going there and seeing him keep his eyes closed most of the time breaks my heart, but at the same time, I am lucky to have him here.  It amazes me that a firefighter gave CPR to my parrot and my cat and they are still here.  It truly is a miracle because they were so close to death.  Yet despite the miracle, I worry that they will take a turn for the worse, like Roxy did.  I had convinced myself that she was going to be ok and then she died in her sleep.  Looking back, my heart KNEW she wasn't going to make it.  It really did.  My head had a different theory though because I think I was trying to protect myself from any further pain.  I NEEDED Roxy to be ok and when she wasn't, it broke my heart even more. 

Telling your children that a beloved family member has passed is a difficult thing to do.  They took it as hard as I thought they would.  My grandson Tristen, loved Roxy and she loved him.  She was so very gentle with him, more gentle than I have ever seen a dog be with a toddler.  Not once did she growl at him or show her teeth.  Not even when he poked her in the eye.  I am gong to miss seeing that relationship.  Megan loved Roxy but she loved that Tristen and Roxy loved each other also.  Paige took it really hard. She is in Illinois visiting family so she doesn't fully understand what is going on since she isn't in the middle of it.  Roxy was her dog.  I'm worried about Paige because she is angry.  She's angry that our house caught fire.  She's angry that we lost some family.  She's angry that Mike and I have to live in a hotel temporarily.   She angry that the fire fighters didn't get there sooner, even though they made in in 6 minutes, which is amazing since we live out in the country.  Anger is part of grief and it is so hard for her, especially being so far away.  I can't be with her to help her grieve.  Grieve the loss of our home, the loss of our sanctuary, the loss of our family.  She said she would come back but with everything up in the air I think she needs to stay there.  When we have more of an idea of what is going on, then she can come home.  Right now she is where she needs to be I think.  Megan seems to be handling everything ok.  If she is having a hard time she is not telling me and she has been staying with Sara so I haven't seen her since the night of the fire.  I will see her tonight though and hopefully she is ok.  I'm sure that she is grieving though, she just doesn't always show or share her emotions.  She works things out on her own.

Mike...Mike I know is grieving but like Megan, he doesn't voice it.  I know he's trying to be strong for me and he is a pretty strong guy.  He always told me he would be happier without the pets but he has always loved on them.  He's been giving Indy extra attention and doing the same with Salem when we see him so I know that he cares.  He just doesn't show it always when it comes to the animals.

I know that with time, the pain will be less, but it's only been 3 days and we all need to grieve the loss.  It's part of the process.  If we dont' take time to grieve those we lost, then we aren't honoring them and every one of them deserve it.

The Beginning and an Update

I decided to start writing a blog to not only update my family and friends about what is going on with the recent events but to help get these things out of my brain, figure things out. Writing is a very cathartic process and right now, I need that. If writing it down is going to help me be more peaceful with all that is happening, then I’m all for it. It will also be something that I can look at a year or two down the road and remind myself of what my family went through and see just how far things have come.

On July 7^th, our world turned upside down. Our house caught fire, cause currently unknown. Thankfully, no one was home but that does not mean that we didn’t lose anyone. We lost my Green Winged Macaw, Raeka, my Mealy Amazon, Caesar, my long haired Siamese, Mieko, and our dog Roxy just a night later. Half of my babies are gone. They performed CPR on my African Grey parrot, Merlin, and on our cat, Salem, who has now gone through 2 lives. He’s an amazing cat. We have 2 dogs remaining, Indy a Yorkshire terrier, and Sisco, a German Shepherd/Chow mix. It’s hard to describe feelings of loss, not only for our home but for our family members as well. Everyone has been great, Fire Fighters, Red Cross, neighbors, hotel clerks, vets, family, and friends. There is such a feeling of loss. The place that was our sanctuary is gone. We have no safe haven any more. We lived there for over 10 years and now our home is no longer livable. So while we wait, we cope, which is not easy. Waiting is difficult because the future is uncertain. Waiting to see what the insurance company says, waiting and watching and praying our surviving pets to make sure they don’t pass away. Yet, we have to look at the blessings. My children and grandson are fine. My husband and I are fine. The situation WILL BE fine. We just have to wait.

The other day we took Merlin, the African Grey, to the vet. He said that Merlin made it through the worst so he thinks he's going to be ok. Birds have very sensitive respiratory systems so the fact that he was brought back to life and is doing ok really says a lot. Merlin stayed at the vet and was given a nebulizer treatment as the humidity will help the soot break apart so it can be released from his system so he can breathe better. I called him yesterday morning and he's doing pretty well, although he was being a cranky pants, not letting anyone pick him up and he was dumping his water...something he did at home until he was given porcelain bowls. LOL. When I told them I was going to visit him after work they asked what time and I was promptly told that I could move him to the sanctuary (where they will be boarding him) when I was there. It took a minute for him to realize that it was me but he let me pick him up and love on him. He doesn’t want to open his eyes much because of the smoke but I will be giving him medicine every day when I visit. I have to say that I am VERY impressed with this vet! He is so wonderful and was truly heartbroken when he found out the pets that I lost, especially my parrots. The staff has been so wonderful and helpful. We asked if they boarded cats and dogs and they do! So we left Salem there yesterday and Monday we will be taking Sisco. The other night Salem was doing very well. He was roaming the hotel and loving on Mike and me and purring. He isn't eating or drinking though so the vet is going to look him over. They will look Sisco over Monday when we take her although she is doing great. I am sure that she is lonely and scared especially now that she doesn't have Roxy anymore. I would go visit her today but the shelter is closed so I will see her Monday. The vet is closed today as well but he said he was going to be there anyway so I can visit Merlin and Salem if I wanted to so I am going. It’s going to be great to have them all there at one place so I can visit them every day after work. I don’t want them to think that they were abandoned. They are going through so much right now and if we all can’t be together in one place we can at least try to consolidate as much as possible. We moved to a pet friendly hotel so we have Indy, the Yorkie, with us. He seems to be doing pretty well. Still coughing and having some problems with his eyes but that’s to be expected. Amazing how a fire can create so many long term issues. Yesterday was the first day that I broke down and cried. It was after Mike told me that Roxy died the night before and it all just hit me. She was #4 to die. I've lost so many babies but I'm so happy to have the ones that I have left and I pray to Goddess every day, several times, that I don’t lose the rest.

The insurance company comes tomorrow morning and they are bringing their own fire investigator. Mike will be meeting them at 9 so we really do not know anything until then. Right now, it’s a waiting game. So here we sit, in a hotel room that is our temporary home. While it is not ideal, we do have a roof over our heads and I am very grateful for that. I long for the day when my family can be together under one roof and when that day happens, I will celebrate. 

I am posting pictures of my pets that passed. I am unable to find pictures of Meiko and Caesar. I am posting the ones that I do have of Raeka and Roxy. I hope and pray that I can find the others. I plan on having memorials for them. It’s difficult to lose a pet. They become part of our family. It’s even more difficult to lose 4 at the same time. The feeling of loss with my feathered and furred family and of our home is indescribable.

Don’t take anything for granted, folks. Appreciate what you have now; love your family now, including your pets. Things can truly change in an instant.

Raeka, Green Winged Macaw, the friendly bird RIP 7/7/11

Roxy, the smily dog. RIP 7/8/11

                           Caesar, my buddy.  RIP 7/7/11

     Meiko, the long haired Siamese RIP 7/7/11