Redefining Home

So it's been awhile since I posted and that is because I was in the anger phase of my grief.  I won't lie, folks.  It was nasty.  I went through the normal "Why Me", but that was actually pretty brief.  More of my anger stemmed from the frustration of my life being turned upside down, i.e. living in a hotel, not getting enough sleep (stress and those stupid hotel beds were NOT comfortable), visiting the pet family at the vets so they didn't think I abandoned them...just alot of frustration that put together grew into a ball on anger.  There hasn't been any blame because there is no one to blame.  Sure I can be pissed off at Mother Nature for "shooting" my house, as Paige put it, but I know that shit happens.  There was not a bullseye on my house.  We were not the target of a Mother Nature terrorist.  With all that has happened in the last month, I still FIRMLY believe that everything happens for a reason, but I had to go through the anger process in order to heal.  While I still get frustrated, I'm no longer angry.  My frustration will probably be on and off until my house is completely finished and that's ok.  Heck, I may even still get a bit angry.  Let's face it...a year is a long time to wait for your home to be completed but that's part of the process.  We have to just accept it.

Sunday, August 7th, exactly one month after the fire, we checked out of the hotel and moved into the rental.  There isn't a whole lot available in Bennett and we have learned that when you find something, that you have to snatch it up when you can because it goes quickly.  We did find a single wide mobile home that has been renovated...except the 2 bedrooms.  It's quite beautiful.  Knotty pine cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom and a huge garden tub in the bathroom.  There are knotty pine shutters in the bathroom and in Paige's room, adding quite the country touch, which quite honestly, is our family's style....well, Mine and Mike's anyway.  Paige's room was drywalled but the floor hasn't been replaced.  She and her friend Paula, splatter painted it Sunday night.  It looks awesome especially now that her black futon with the flourescent pink and green pillows are in there.  Mine and Mike's room hasn't been touched at all.  Still has the wood paneling and the burnt orange shag carpet.  Just need a disco ball and I'm all set.  Well, quick fix was paint the paneling and I chose a sage green that goes perfectly with our newly purchased pine log furniture.  The yard is gorgeous, there is a beautiful garden and a big ass porch.  We are pretty happy with our choice.  The challenging part is going from 2,000 square feet to 960 but we will adjust.  We are also living in the heart of Bennett rather in BFE so that is quite a difference too.  But that's ok.  I'm happy to be out of the hotel and into a "home".  The reason for the home in quotations is because my home is no longer what it was before and I think I touched on this before.  The home I knew no longer exists, and never will, so we have to redefine it.  We are going to be in this home for awhile so eventually it will become home. We don't have everything that we had before so with a new couch and new beds, the home feeling will take a little bit longer than moving our old stuff into it but it will eventually become home.  Just as the new home will eventually become home again once we move back into it, but it will take longer because it wont look the same.  These things take time.  We are still moving into the house and it's so slow that its sometimes kind of painful.  I want all of us there again, but I had to have the cage before I could bring Merlin home.  All painting had to be done before then also because paint fumes can be fatal for birds.  The cage has been thouroughly cleaned and put in the house, painting is completed and now the fids (feathered/furred kids) can come home!  Since I have a small Isuzu Hombre (basically a Chevy S-10), I have to do it in shifts because of lack of room.  So Sisco comes home tonight after work and Salem and Merlin will come home tomorrow night.  I can't wait!  I have been looking forward to this day since the day after the fire.  It will truly be a bittersweet moment and I am even tearing up right now just thinking about it.  Once they are home, life can start to be back to normal again.  Sure, we will still be moving and going through things in the old house and seeing if they come to the new house or go into storage.  Right now, this is our new normal and that's ok. 

Last night was the first nights sleep in my new bed and it's the FIRST night that I slept completely through since the night of the fire. Yes that's right....I haven't had a good nights sleep for a month.  It was heaven.  While I miss my ever so comfortable waterbed (which would go with the orange shag carpet if it would fit in the room - both being '70's throwbacks), I do have a fabulous new pine log bed with a pillowtop mattress that is almost like sleeping on a cloud.  It's almost as if my bed was hugging me and while it does sound like it could be something out of a horror movie, it was quite splendid and I can't wait to be hugged again tonight.

Now that things are getting back to the new normal, I can start going to coven things again, which life was keeping me from doing BEFORE the fire.  I can enjoy things again rather than being antsy, wondering when we were gong to be in a rental.  Yes, things are finally looking up and going well, and while all of the movement has caused more pains in my fractured foot, I am content that things are settling down.  I am going to enjoy my hugging bed, big ass porch, big ass bathtub, having my family around me and calling my damaged home the Country Estate.  I can begin to relax a bit even though I will be busy for quite some time.  I will dream of that view that you see in the picture to the left....the view that is about a mile from my home, the Country Estate and know that seeing that view is just beyond the horizon.