It's been awhile since I've written here and quite frankly, I just wasn't in the mood to share. I've been keeping quite alot in, delving deeper and deeper inside myself, trying to come to terms with everything. I've been a bit afraid of being judged because I'm not over my home catching fire and I just didn't want to deal with everyone. As I have said before, it's a journey that if you haven't had the displeasure of having, you have no clue as to what it is like to live through something like this. I've had my good times, and most of them have been good, but every once in awhile, something comes up and that makes me sad. Merlin sounding like Caesar or seeing someones home on fire on the television. I suppose that until we are back in the house, that my sad moments will continue and they will become less and less as time goes on.
It certainly doesn't help that a couple of months ago our house, the burned one, got broken into and many things were stolen. Apparently, there has been a rash of thefts in our area and our home was only one of several that has been "hit". Several tools that were inside the house were taken, as well as several tools that were in the shed. My large jewelry box was stolen...the entire box. It was one of those 3 foot tall ones (that we don't have room for in the new place ) and most of the jewelry that was in there was pretty cheap stuff, however, the kid's teeth were in there from when they were little...when they were given to the tooth fairy. Not only was all of this stolen, but they also took copper pipes and wiring, and our tractor out of our back yard. A FREAKING TRACTOR!!! I was angry at first, but I know that their karma will hit them like a brick. Mike spoke with the officer that lives on our road the other day (she was out of state at the time of our theft) and she said that they are pretty positive of who it is but they can't prove it. Since our home, a few more have been broken into and even a local cell phone tower was broken into the other day and the copper wiring stolen as well.
For awhile now, we have been dealing with the insurance company printing the wrong company on the check for the second mortgage. Because of this, we haven't really been able to do anything to the house. We don't have the money to put into replacing things and we have to have the check but we cant get the check endorsed because the wrong company is on it. Not to mention the fact that Mike is afraid to do any work on the house for fear that more things will be stolen. We just got the check issue cleared up and once we get all of the endorsements, Mike plans on taking some time off of work and just getting it done so we can move in and not worry about anything getting stolen. 6 months later and we are basically where we were right when we moved into the place where we are now.
The holidays have been a bit difficult for me this year. Sure they have been good as far as having family, a roof over my head, etc., however, it's the first year that we haven't had a Christmas in the house since we moved there. I miss my home. I miss having a big tree. I miss my beloved pets. I miss it all. I know most are probably tired of hearing of me talk about it, but you know what....I don't care. This is a huge thing that happened to us and things will never be the same. We all take our own time in healing and I am still working on that process. It is different for everyone and no one can tell you how long you can/should grieve over any kind of loss. My sad moments are actually pretty few but I do not feel as though I can't really share them outside of my immediate family. I have discovered that I can count on very few people in my life outside of my immediate family and feel abandoned by a couple of people.
As 2011 comes to a close, I have a feeling that 2012 will bring fantastic things for many, including my family and I. I finally see an end in sight for getting back into our home and I've learned alot about myself throughout this process. I have learned that I am stronger than what I thought. I can handle alot more than I thought without falling apart and being bipolar, that is quite an accomplishment. I also realized that I never really cried over the loss of my home. I have let loose twice but it wasn't over the actual loss of my home. They were about the loss of Roxy and the rest of my pets and the frustrations of dealing with people and living in a hotel room. I have had to be strong for many reasons. I've had to be strong for my kids, I've had to be strong so that I could work without falling apart, perhaps I was afraid of crying for fear of completely falling apart...in all honesty, I just don't know. It's a taxing process physically and mentally. I have noticed alotOk, so it wasn't the best way to get one, but still its a positive from a tough situation. There have been a few people that have asked me if I dislike lightening or assume that I dislike lightening and they couldn't be more wrong. I LOVE lightening. It's beautiful. Powerful. Stunning. I had respect for it before, but I have even more now. While 2011 was an extremely tough year for my family and I in many many ways even excluding the fire, the years happenings have made us stronger people. Unfortunately, I had to lose my beloved feathered and furred family. That in itself was a lesson as well. I now cherish the ones that remain and I'm very thankful that they survived.
I know that 2012 has alot of wonderful things in store for my family and I and I look forward to them with joy in my heart.
May 2012 bring you all much happiness, joy and abundance.
Happy New Year!!
